Walking In Clouds

OOOk. So, on Thursday I have to go to college. Not that I mind in general, it's just... I hope that my project about Abu Gurab in Egypt's Old Kingdom is done the way my professor won't be too critical about. Hell, how much can you say about a place that is everywhere described in one or two phrases?! Thank Lord that those "phrases" were in a language that I do know. Or languages, for that matter. English and French. Why not in Polish?! Of course, there was more information - in German. Which I DO NOT know. Which is kinda a problem, but I can't learn everything at once! Italian and Latin are enough for learning.
By the way, Latin... I really like it. I do. I even like grammatical rules, even with those all conjugations and declinations. But what I don't like is that I have a test of it. And I don't like the thought about it.
And there are techniques of gaining and transforming information! God, how I hate statistics, proportions, everything! The sad thing is that I know that I have to know all of this. It may be crap, but it's still a very needed crap. And I admit that I could like even those statistics - if I wouldn't have the dead line for it.
The rest is a silence.

But why do I have a feeling that next year will be very busy? Not that I mind...

OOooh, I want February! By then I'll be after the exams, and I'll go do Italy for TWO freakin' weeks! I can't wait.

So it's October again. And we have new courses at the University. What can I say - I hope they'll be interesting. Reception of Antique is really great and I can feel that it will be my favourite class. Our professor is a real "l'homme de Renaissance". Il sait tout! He's a vulcan of energy, knowledge and intellect. It's amazing working with such people and learning under their eye.

Oh God. Kill me now. Just kill me.

I hate my family. I HATE them!!!! Why, oh why they had to come to us?! Why?! I hate this. I want to sleep in my own bed, eat when I want, do what I want and when I want. I hate family! It's not that I have generally something against it, but hell - some things has to come to an end finally!

I don't know why but I'm feeling slightly nervous. And I don't know why exactly. Well, OK, I can just suppose that it's because I decided that I won't go tomorrow at my courses. I was sick for a week (again! In two months! Well, hello, what's going on?!), I was really tired after all of this things that happened lately, and I just decided I won't go tomorrow for one of my courses. And that's exactly why I'm feeling nervous right now! It's pathetic, really. To feel guilty because you just don't want to go to school? Oh come on! It's stupid, I know.

But plus I really, really don't want to go to my friend's birthday. I just... don't fell like going. But I said I would go, so I guess I can't really change my mind.

Yuck.

Oh shit. Why? Why? Why?! Why had I checked my mail yesterday instead of two weeks earlier?! Shit. Two weeks ago there was this list of members of Tanais 2007 expedition, and probably it's still hanging there at the wall in our institute... but why oh why I didn't know this two weeks earlier?! I guess everybody knew about this except of me - lately it's been getting really busy and I had a lot of work to do, plus I wasn't really sober for the past month - there was a lot of social meetings and stuff like that. But it doesn't change the fact that now I'm nervous as hell, even though I know I'll probably participate. But still I'm just a bunch of nerves right now, until I go to Institute...

I can't believe it...! I've just watched the last episode of The O.C. - and I totally can't believe that it's the end of this!

It was nice to watch O.C. It wasn't so much complicated and sure, there was a lot of drama (well - maybe even more than "a lot" if you come to think about it. Hey, every season ended with a thunder/earthquake - not literally, at least not until recently - /end of the world!) but there was much more fun and humor. All that Seth's comments, Summer's attitude, than Taylor's, all Julie's stuff... And yes, I'm some kind of esthetically sensible person, and I can't say that it was bad-looking show - hell no. Marissa was a pretty girl with a great sense of fashion, same as Julie and Summer and Kirsten - hey, it was Newport! Plus lovely Ryan (I have a thing for blond guys I guess). Yes, it was definitely a good-looking show. So I liked it. It was like watching some sort of a fairytale, with rich people, good looking people, whose only problem was what to wear for the next party, yet they all had some problems (real life sucks, huh?) - Marissa's and Kirsten's alcoholism, Seth's education's problems, the whole Ryan-bad-boy storyline. A bit like modern Beverly Hills 90210 (not that I've watched this - I guess I was a bit too young at the time).

So, getting to the last episode - I was touched. Really. I wasn't a big fan of The Fourth-Season O.C - seriously, is it the same show without Marissa and her problems (es. with Ryan...)? Well, I guess that it wasn't really so bad. Taylor was awesome - that girl talks even faster than I, just like she had some sort of a machine in her, and that was really funny. Kaitlin is not so bad I guess, but hey - I preferred the eldest ms. Cooper. And those gays living in the old Cohen's house - it was priceless, those two guys rocked! But I have to admit that I was crying at that episode. First - when Summer gave Julie the necklace with Marissa's photo. And I was crying at the end - when Ryan was saying goodbye to the house. God, it was sad! His memories of those first days, and the emptiness of the rooms - it really bring tears to my eyes. And that scene from the first episode with Marissa watching Ryan leaving Newport with Sandy - oh, come on! And those little scenes set into the future - nice, but it didn't really touched me so much. I loved Sandy teaching, guy knows his stuff:) Julie graduating - yay Julie, you was always my favorite! Kaitlin was OK, and the marriage of Seth and Summer - well, I'm sorry, I'm not buying that. But I was touched when Ryan walked to his car with plans in one hand (an architect...? Yay!) and he looked at that kid and saw himself. It was... well, cute.

I have to admit that I was touched. And I cried, even when usually I don't do it (I hate crying in fact). And it's kind of hard to believe that it's the end of The O.C., but again - it's better to end it this way, than to pull it for another five seasons without a plan and just "because people liked it... some time ago". Actually, I'm sad but I'm happy. At least it had ended with honor.

And there is one more thing that bugs me - Julie. Look how much her character has changed. At firs she was - well, Julie Cooper, glamorous and alluring woman of Newport, for which her social position was the most important thing in the world - with newest shoes from Manolo Blahnik and new manicure. Then she was Kirsten's stepmother (she married Caleb, so... yeah. Mrs Julie Cooper - Nichol) and businesswoman with her own magazine and everything, and now she just graduated from a college... And that's what's called a metamorphose! :)

Lateley, I've been daydreaming. It's starting to be some kind of problem, since I could snap out of reality and for a long moment stare at some point and not really seeing it, watching instead some scene playing before my own eyes. It's nothing serious when those moments are short - like fractions of seconds, when I just see some kind of scene, like a flash, and you can believe or not, but sometimes those little... visions come true in some place in the future. Sometimes. But it's get worse when those scenes are longer - and I can't really help it. It's not like I'm being crazy, not at all. The thing is that if I'm wondering about something hard - if I'm thinking all the time about something, and my whole mind is occupied by that thought, then sometimes I'm getting lost in my own thoughts really hard.

So lately I'm getting lost a lot. Sometimes it's a problem, like when I started to daydreaming at my classes - and then I just... snapped out of it and wondered for a moment what are we talking about and where was I. I know that my imagination is waaaay too big and too strong. Sometimes all she needs is a song, a view, a glance, or even some words, I'm starting to smile and my imagination is starting to work - and she gives me all those funny things, scenes playing just before my eyes, that little voice in my head starts speaking ironically, sarcastically or just with humor. The truth is, I like it too much. It makes everything more easier and bearable, I think. Even at the worst situation that little voice makes me smile and those scenes makes me laugh when no one is laughing.

I guess it's not really that bad, though. But sometimes it's getting annoying, like now - I know that the things I'm thinking about... Well, what can I say - I guess I'm just screwed. Just a little... or not so little. Who knows.

God, I hope that this day was over, forever! Or I'm gonna go crazy.

It's snowing, and man - I fucking hate winter! I hate snow, I hate that stupid cold wind, I hate that I have to wear too much clothes (or get a frostbite, yeah, well that's an option!). I hate it. All of it.

Plus, when I talked to my friend yesterday - yes, she was sick, but yet she planned to come to Warsaw on Friday so we could go all together at the lake on Saturday. S. has this great house at the lake, so we wanted to stay there until the end of holidays, the three of us. But today my friend informed me that she's too sick and she can't even go out of her house, so there's no way she could go with us. And - fuck!!! It won't be the same without her, we had so much plans! I'm not angry at her - because I know that she wants to go just like me or S, but I'm angry - yes, I'm angry at the winter - if it wasn't winter, she wouldn't be sick right now! We'll probably go alone, S and I, because - seriously, our friend, K, lived too far from us, at the other side of the country! But it won't be the same.

And if it isn't enough - I have to go at the campus. Normally I love going at the campus, I love that place, it's really great. But I have to go there to fill in some stupid papers that no one really needs, so I'm really pissed by now.

I wanted to go shopping - I saw those two beautiful shirts - but no, there's no money on my account yet! So how can I NOT be pissed off?

I wanted to sign up at the class for my next semester, but no - there isn't that course available. And I don't even know if it would be available or not. And that was the only course that was perfect with my others classes. Just great.

I wanted to go to my favorite club but it was closed again. Just f*** perfect.

At the day like that I'm starting to doubt in everything.

It's like everything just decided to turn wrong today. Yesterday was OK, but today nothing seems to go right. What's the hell wrong with today?!

Yesterday S and K came to my place and we had some great time together. Well, in fact, we spent almost all night long sitting on a stairs, smokin' and drinkin' and talking about everything. I'm just surprised that none of my neighbors didn't really complain about us being too loud. Well, when you're sitting at the two o'clock in the morning, drinking one of the many Charlie's drinks that night and smokin' one cigarette after another, it's kinda hard to pay attention of how loud you're speaking. But I guess it wasn't that bad. Then at three o'clock we decided we wanted to go to sleep - finally - but... we were all pretending for two hours that we slept - while actually we didn't. So that night - I hadn't have any sleep. I guess I'm still kinda high from nicotine and alcohol, but what the hell.

It was nice. I think we should repeat this in some near future... I hope so.

Guh.

I want holidays. Nothing new, huh?

Told'ya that I would be sick. After Friday. And I think I put some sort of spell on myself - I'm sick from Saturday, but can't really help it - and can't even stay in bed and cure myself! There is a Flying Circus at the college (really! I'm serious right now!) and all I can say is that we had an unbelievable luck today.

Actually it was more luck than smartness, really. Pure luck. It was something so unpredictable and unbelievable, that even now I can't even think about it without joy. But before that moment of pure joy we had like an hour of scare, helpless and pessimism.

I want my holidays.

I love Thursdays. Seriously. OK, well, maybe this day is a great day after 2pm, after prehistory (God, it's an awful course! Especially if there's a test to which I don't know answers... but this is another story). It's just like a ritual - we're going to some cafe to beer and we're talking about everything - about our friends, about ourselves (because why not!), about guys (oooooh, that's an interesting one, believe me!), about college, our professors, our plans for future. It's like we're having our own psychological sessions, only it's much cheaper and much more fun. There is a lot of fun, a lot of laughter, and it's really helping. I know that I can talk with them about things I won't even talk to my best friend - just because my other two friends know me from completely another side. Or maybe it's just me - that I can't really keep a relationship and that they just know people I talk about and know what I really want from them and from my life right now.

I just fell that for the first time in my life I have friends that are one percent girls - and that's something missing in my life. We talk about everything and about every of us - I'm serious when I wrote that it's like at a psycholog. They just know that sides of me that no one else know...

Yeah, yeah, I know - I'm a bit drunk right now. Like every Thursday:) But what the hell, so don't get pissed off for my ramblings right now:)

Oh God.

I think I'm getting sick. Today my eyes hurt really bad, and the whole course about some guy stuck up in ice for thousands years I was crying - literally, the tears just keep going and I couldn't stop. Not that I cried for that guy - I can't even remember the details - it's just that my eyes had other thoughts than I and obviously they decided that they wanted tears. I was in happy mood, everything is just perfect by now, but therefore I cried:) It's really ironic. And now I have runny nose and my voice is really changed and I can fell that I'm gonna be sick. God, I hate that. I have too much to do now, exam, tests, essays, meetings - for crying out loud, NOT NOW! I can be sick after Thursday. Not before. After Thursday. Not that I'm that fond of chopping tools and choppers (I've a test of it - at Thursday), but hell - tomorrow is my favorite course about Egypt and I can't miss that! At Wednsday I've a meeting about my summer practice - and I just HAVE to look perfect then, and "perfect" doesn't include red eyes and red nose. At Thursday we want to go at a new cafe and I won't miss that - I love our escapades after exercises, and there is no way I would miss that thing. It gives me a positive energy. And God - at Friday I have these course about conservation, but OK, I can not go there. But on Friday - and today is Monday...

I want to go to sleep. I'm really tired. But I guess I've too much to do to just simply go to sleep.

So we have a new year. It's kind of strange. I mean every year I watch the fireworks and I wondering the same - that it's another year to go by. Eerything should be different, but the next day is just like the yeasterday.

I don't know, New Year always brings me some sort of melancholy:) Not that I want last year to lasts forever, because I don't - I expect this year to be even more ineteresting than the last. But somewhere deep down, there is this hint of regret.

And so we're here, in James Bond's Year - 2007.


You know, it's only two years 'till The Pulse:) (I'm much into Dark Angel) :P

I should be reading scripts for anthropology. Or study for a prehistory exam. Or writing an essay about Great Discoveries - whatever. But no, instead I choose to just... relax. Well, at least it's the official version.

But what can I say, my day stars at 12 am and I start reading things and doing all that college stuff at night. I guess I changed my daily routine and it's not that good. Hell, I know how it is to sleep at courses and it ain't no good. And I'm still wondering how can I manage to get straights A's. Not that I'm complaining...

I wish it was July. I would be at Russia by now (I wish!!!), digging up some Hellenic ruins, cleaning up ceramics, writing a documentation... with one of my best friends. Eh...

I think I hate Christmas. Seriously. I hate all that jazz, the crowd at every mall (and hell - I live in capital, so there are a few malls!!!), all that stupid wishes... "Merry Christmas blah, blah, blah". I'm sick of this. I hate christmas eating - for one, I'm not into eating recently, for two - I'm DEFINIETELY not into that kind of eating. Plus I don't really like going to family's dinner. Like? Oh no - I HATE it! "Oh, Ann, you didn't eat anything... -No, aunt, thank you, I've had enough. -Oh no, you can't be serious. Here, eat this!". And then there would me talk about politics (yeah, and that's exactly what I want, sure), about illness (-Did you know, that someone has died? -Oh yeah, but I've got better news - someone else has cancer! Really!) - God, they enjoy this kind of talks! I can't really talk about
a) music - they're not listening to anything!
b) books - they're not reading anything - god, I can't believe in this...
c) even f*** films, because of what I said earlier!
d) science - yeah, I like to talk about it. About history, about new discoveries, about archeology, man, it's passionate!

But no. What they like to talk is rumors about people that I've never heard of, devoted religion, and well - that's all.

So - I didn't go to visit them.

But anyway, I hate Christmas. "What would you do for Christmas Eve? What about some pie?" I'm sick of it.

I hate presents. Even if I got a book about ancient Egypt, I still would like to not have it.

What can I say, I'm totally Grinch-ed.

The crocodile owns me. Totally. I fell in love with Lacoste Pour Femme - my friend took it over at college, with a bunch of really great fragrances, but it was love at first... well, what, at first sight? With perfumes? Whatever. Anyway, I found out that I really hate Chanel - yeah, I know, kill me now:) Gucci was fine. A little too sweet for me. Escada was nice too, just like Hugo Boss. Celine was too, I don't know, to delicate? Dior was fine, but not really my kind. OK, I liked Guerlaine. But Lacoste was awesome and you know, after that day, the crocodile just bugged me every minute. I saw them everywhere.

And today, finally, I get my Lacoste Pour Femme! In a little bottle, because I'm a poor student, but what the hell - I have my own crocodile now!
God, I'm really excited. And for what - a little bottle of liquid that smells somehow - but that smell, mmm, I'm in heaven!

Don't really know what I am doing here. Should be studying or something, but - c'mon, it's Sunday's evening! God, I can't believe that I spent my weekend doing nothing (and they say that in college you don't have any time - oh please!). So instead I was fooling around with Photoshop (I soooo love this program!) and was writing my story. I can't obligate myself to finally write it in English, I would love to post it somewhere else than our forum, but I guess I'm a little to lazy to translate it. (Oh yeah, I definitely have too much time...).

But after meeting with my friends I was getting crazy ideas, and what's worse (much worse I can say!) is that I was thinkin' about changing my hair's color. Yeah. I'm bored being blond, so why not became a darker-head? So I guess that after some six months of thinking I would eventually decide to change my color. Or not. It always takes me about a half a year to decide whether to do something with me or not. Who knows. (Yeah, I know - it's really pathetic to have such dramas. Like I'm not having any other and much serious problems... but who know, maybe I don't have?:))

So here we are, in the middle of fall, with all that leaves, fog, rain, coats and much more. I can't say that it bothers me, well, it's quite au contraire. What really bothers me is that I don't know if I should change my group at college or not (yes, it's the beginning and I've already started to complicate my life). So that's it.

Oh, wait, there's one more thing that bothers me - that I won't be able to watch new Supernatural episode! At least until next week. God, how am I supposed to live so long without new episode?! The only thing that keeps me smiling (lol) is that our tv station, TVN, has signed a deal with the old, good WB about getting new series as the O.C. (third season? yay!), Cold Case, Without A Trace, Nip/Tuck (well, I have an impression that these are already aired here in Poland by now) and - tadam!!! - SUPERNATURAL! I wonder how they will translate it... I know that it doesn't require a translation, but the people in here just love to translate things.

So yes, I'm kinda excited.

So that's it. From today, I'm a student - very, very official.
Today was my first day at college - well, it's called "university", but with the new LMD system I guess we can call it "college". And I must say that I thought it would be much worse, maybe because it was then - I mean before my first trip to Zabie - a little town (hell, no, it wasn't even a town!!!) at the lake where we were digging for a ceramic and bones - you know, all that archaeological stuff. There was a few people from my year, and we really did get integrated:) So now, when we met today at the campus - all of us - it was like we were old friends, and I wasn't feeling like "what the hell am I doing here?!". I just know that I would feel like that if I wouldn't know anyone back there. Anyway, we just met up together, laughing, talking loud, fooling around, so our first day at college was painless - almost totally. But - there always has to be some "but" :) - we would like to be in one group... well, we'll see what can we do about it.
And now I'm really excited about my college-life. We all don't have any occupations at fridays, so we can really have fun; when I'm thinking about studying - Ancient Rome, Greece, archaeologically methods, prehistory, Mediterranean archeology... God, it's just fabulous!
Plus it's autumn. I love fall, and my campus is really beautiful at fall, there are so many trees, so many benches...

I'm mad. Actually I'm mad and I'm lazy. Well, I'm furious too. God, how I hate that...! And I hate that because I want to eat chocolate, cookies, anything with a lot of sugar, just to lift up my mood, but I know that I shouldn't because it's not healthy. And I'm just more furious about that. God, I want to kill someone, so don't come around!

And I'm not even excited about going to archeology's research... It's really bad.