Walking In Clouds

House vid - Into Dust

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 20:34:20 GMT

Finally, after a long time of non-existence... I made a House video.

Title: Into Dust
Made by: Nan
Pairing: none, I guess
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Through season four finale of House
Song: "Into Dust" by Mazzy Star
Summary: House wakes up after the events of "Wilson's Heart", and everything looks like the same, except for House - he get those strange thoughts and feelings, like something is missing. Or maybe someone... Because when he woke up, he was sure that he had a daugher once, but everyone keeps telling him that he never had any kid. House is really confused, he wants to believe the others, but he's still seeing her, he even started to believe that it was her with him on the bus crash, not Amber. So who is right - all those people that tell you that you never had a family, or your head that keeps showing you that there was someone?
Download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/pm2e8d
Disclaimer: "House" belongs to FOX, "Gossip Girl" to The CW, and the song - to Mazzy Star, mine is just the invention.

I fell in love with four-year-old... i.e. I watched new OTH.

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 16:05:58 GMT

I didn't want to watch the fifth season of One Tree Hill... Really. I didn't meant to. But I did. And I don't regret it. Hell, I think it's the best season of all. It was worth all the waiting and all those previous seasons. I like that their lives don't go exactly like they planned. I like Peyton - after four seasons, she finally got to stand for her believes. I love that. She got the nerve - though I'm not exactly sure that she truly intend to do it - but she did, nevertheless.

Nathan - and now I appreciate the man. He's broken - but he finally get over it. And I love that man for that. I always had a thing for cute guys named Nathan:)

Haley - heh, I;m glad that she's not the most popular singer. It's not the way life goes, sometimes we don't get all that we wanted - and that's Haley. She wanted to be so much more with those kids, but I think she will be those person for them.

Lucas - Ok, I like him. I really like him this season. He's not pinning over some girl (well, OK, maybe he is, but not like before). He can get himself a grip. He wrote a novel (which I love. The motive, not the book. Though I would like to read it). He struggles with a second book. He struggles with break-up with Peyton from two-years back, but she was there (in completely Peyton-esque style). Yeah, I love this season Lucas.

Brooke - well, I didn't think I would say it, but I love her now. She's successful, she's smart, she's caring - she's deserving to be a main character. She's simply great this season. She's grown up. And I love her, I totally am. And to think that I didn't like her last season...

Lindsey - well, she reminds me of Alex from the O.C. And I suppose she's cute and smart and "perfect", as Brooke said - but I want my Leyton back! I didn't wait almost four years to get it trashed and broken and just non-existent! I want it back. Though Lindsey is fine... and I suppose that Lucas deserve someone more defined than Peyton - but I still want them back.

And James - ohhh, I love this little cute guy! He's adorable, he's smart, he's intelligent, he's lovable! It's the best person so far, seriously! I fell in love with a four-year-old...

And what can I say more - I think I will watch all next episodes. For Brooke, Skills, Lucas and for Jamie.

Next year...

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 09:47:57 GMT

OOOk. So, on Thursday I have to go to college. Not that I mind in general, it's just... I hope that my project about Abu Gurab in Egypt's Old Kingdom is done the way my professor won't be too critical about. Hell, how much can you say about a place that is everywhere described in one or two phrases?! Thank Lord that those "phrases" were in a language that I do know. Or languages, for that matter. English and French. Why not in Polish?! Of course, there was more information - in German. Which I DO NOT know. Which is kinda a problem, but I can't learn everything at once! Italian and Latin are enough for learning.
By the way, Latin... I really like it. I do. I even like grammatical rules, even with those all conjugations and declinations. But what I don't like is that I have a test of it. And I don't like the thought about it.
And there are techniques of gaining and transforming information! God, how I hate statistics, proportions, everything! The sad thing is that I know that I have to know all of this. It may be crap, but it's still a very needed crap. And I admit that I could like even those statistics - if I wouldn't have the dead line for it.
The rest is a silence.

But why do I have a feeling that next year will be very busy? Not that I mind...

OOooh, I want February! By then I'll be after the exams, and I'll go do Italy for TWO freakin' weeks! I can't wait.

Videos!

Sun, 16 Dec 2007 12:44:42 GMT

Title: Falling Down
Music: Duran Duran "Falling Down"
Vidder: Nan (me)
Category: crossover SN/Heroes. Or SN/VM
Spoilers: if you had seen third season on SN and you know who Elle is, I think it's ok
Length/size: 3:47/20MB
Background story: Sam knew her before. But then she goes missing and Sam starts to look up for her. He discovers that she's not dead, as people thought, but she's not the same anymore - she's a demon. Sam calls her, but it's her who finds him. She wants him to help her find someone, but Sam refuses. So she's going away again - leaving Sam with information, that maybe she could give him her back, but now it's too late.

Download link

Title: What Have You Done
Music: Within Temptation
Vidder: Nan (me)
Category: character video. I think...
Spoilers: if you had seen 3.07, it's fine
Length/size: 4:00/16,5 MB
Background: Sam had done some things. And Dean had done some things. It's a mistake after mistake... or not.

Download link

Un-Heroicaly...!

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 15:49:30 GMT

Too late, but BIG SPOILER...
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*
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I'm gonna stop watching Heroes. Seriously, from the episode to the episode is worse! The whole Peter-Caitlin story - well, I'm sorry, I don't get it. I didn't like her, Simone was so much better - and I would rather see her again that Caitlin. Besides, Peter is just stupid. He acts like he doesn't think at all and he believes everyone. And Claire? Oooh, last year I loved all Paire action! I liked Claire, but now - she's so selfish, so childish, that I really dislike her. In fact she became one of the characters that I really hate. Plus she uses too much lip gloss (like Maria in Roswell. But Maria got over it...).
Than killing Nikki -oh come on! She was my favorite! There wasn't enough of her in Vol. 2. Killing Nikki = baaad, baad thing. Don't like it.
But shooting Nathan and killing him? Hell, I HATE this! It was MY Nathan! By now, the show is off for me.
There was some good things too, of course. Like Elle - what can I say, I really like her. Plus I liked Monica and human side of Sylar (... or Gabriel at the times). And Matt's new powers were good too.
But killing Nikki and Nathan is a crime.

I'm gonna watch Gossip Girl. Blair is a bitch, Serena's classy, Dan is funny, Jenny smart and Nate cute. And there's no killing off my favorites characters!

PS: Sorry for spoiling, jainadurron

2 episodic video

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 05:26:31 GMT

Title: Goldeneye
Music: Tina Turner "Goldeneye"
Vidder: Nan
Category: episodic video (3.06 - if you hadn't seen before...)
Size/Lenght: 20 MB/4:43 min
NA: I guess it's like Bela's POV. Dean is Bond, James Bond, Sam works with him... and Bela's the person who wants revenge on them. But it turns out that what she needs is help.

Download link

Title: Today he cries
Music: Indochine "Aujourd'hui je pleure"
Vidder: Nan
Category: eisodic video (3.07)
Size/Lenght: 27 MB/3:27 min
NA: It's in French, but the lyrics aren't so difficult. Basically, Sam's life a mess and he knows it. Everything is grey now, and he can't help it.

Download link

Pink Brothers video

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 21:17:30 GMT

Title: Pink Brothers
Music: Pink Panther theme
Vidder: Nan
Size/Lenght: 11,3 MB/02:46 min
Category: episodic (3x06 "Red Sky At Morning")
Characters: Sam, Dean, Bela
N/A: I guess I made a little story of it, just a little bit changed from the original:) Dean and Sam willingly helped Bela to steal The Hand:)

Download link - Pink Brothers

Comments are love!

Ruby video

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 17:52:38 GMT

Title: What She Is
Music: Eddie Brickell "What I Am"
Vidder: Nan
Spoilers: season three
Characters: Ruby. And maybe Sam a little, with Bobby too.
Size/lenght: 20,6MB/4:58 min
Notes: I love Ruby. Really, that girl rocks. It's the demon I wanted to see since the death of YED :) So - just my impression on what Ruby is...

What She Is

And you know? Comments are love! Oh, and let me know if there's something wrong with the video - like if it's ending in some unexpected point or something.

Love Show

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 11:43:01 GMT

Title: Love Show
Vidder: Nan
Music: Skye "Love Show"
Category: well... kinda crossover. Romance, perhaps...?
Size: 20.16 MB
Spoilers: season 3, if you haven't seen
N/A: I'm not a big fan of Jess. But I really like Kristen Bell, so...
Story: Sam was with that girl. Their life wasn't perfect, but when she dies in a fire, Sam is left broken and he can't pull himself out - he has a feeling that she's still with him. He's like doll - until he's the one to save a life of a little girl. When he's under the water, he sees his life with his girlfriend - and when he comes up with little girl, he knows that he made his peace with his girlfriend's death.

Comments are love!

Download - Love Show

October again...

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 18:26:03 GMT

So it's October again. And we have new courses at the University. What can I say - I hope they'll be interesting. Reception of Antique is really great and I can feel that it will be my favourite class. Our professor is a real "l'homme de Renaissance". Il sait tout! He's a vulcan of energy, knowledge and intellect. It's amazing working with such people and learning under their eye.

Bunch of arts!

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 19:18:14 GMT

Just before my departure (again!), I thought I could upload a few things I made lately...

{3 real life arts - photos made my me}
{9 crossover arts - Supernatural/Heroes, Supernatural/Veronica Mars, Veronica Mars/Heroes}

Enjoy!

Oh - yeah, lyrics are from songs by Kosheen "Overkill" and Rob Thomas "All That I Am"

What I've Done video

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 10:14:46 GMT

Title: What I've Done
Vidder: Nan
Music: Linkin Park "What I've Done"
Cathegory: action vid
Spoilers: mostly "Croatoan" and "What Is...", but there are other episodes clips too.
Note: it's my attempt to make something new - so I used the clips from Linkin Park original video.

Hope you like it!

The Everlasting - Dean vid

Mon, 14 May 2007 10:57:08 GMT

So, yeah - once again it's about Dean. I couldn't help it :)

Title: The Everlasting
Music: Manic Street Preachers The Everlasting
Vidder: Nan
Category: episodic vid
Characters: mostly Dean, but Sam and Mary too
Pairing: none
Spoilers: none if you had seen What Is And What Should Never Be and In My Time Of Dying
Size: 20 MB

Download link:
The Everlasting

Comments are love!

I'm still working on the part "demons are real"...

Sun, 13 May 2007 17:21:16 GMT

So I've watched first par of season finale of Supernatural. And I can't say that I'm pleased with it - I think I liked Devil's Trap. Really, I liked more Evil!John, it was something... possessed John, those lonely house with drama, Dean still getting better than expected - yeah, that was something. And then the ending - terrible and suspending, with that crash, with the wreck of the Impala, with unconsciousness Winchesters... It was heartbreaking and I was tensed for the whole time. Yeah, Meg died. And yeah, pastor Jim had died too. Hell, Impala died also, just like the boys at some point! And I totally loved it. I knew that there would be a great second season, picking up where the last episode was left. And now? Sweet Lord, I'm kinda scared of what the creators made for us.

First of all - I really don't like that all my favorites persons are dead - oh come on, you can kill Jake for all that I care, you can kill Ellen or even Ash - though I don't like that it was his last episode, better kill Ellen - but to turn Ava evil? Oh, no, no no! There is NO freaking way! Ava was perfect - she was crazy, freaked out about what she was, she had humor - and to turn her evil was just NOT right! And to kill her - yeah, way to go. But killing Andy was way more cruel - that guy was priceless! He was walking smile, for God's sake! With pathetic Sam and his constant suffering, Andy was a great alternative, with his powers. Come on - watching gay porn all day? That was perfect, that guy totally owns me:) So I will never ever forgive Kripke for killing my favorites characters - first pastor Jim, than Meg, John (oh please! Well, at least The Demon is still the same - I like him), Andy, Ava, Ash, Sam... Thank God that they didn't think of killing off Bobby and Dean - oh wait, but they actually DID kill Dean! With Tessa the Reaper! But they get him somehow of that shit, all right...

So anyway I'm not quite sure weather I like the direction the show is heading right now. I'm kinda scared that after a few more episodes there won't be anyone left spare the spirits of the dead...

GGGGRRRR!!!!

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 20:55:59 GMT

Oh God. Kill me now. Just kill me.

I hate my family. I HATE them!!!! Why, oh why they had to come to us?! Why?! I hate this. I want to sleep in my own bed, eat when I want, do what I want and when I want. I hate family! It's not that I have generally something against it, but hell - some things has to come to an end finally!

Bunch of arts, people!

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 17:10:17 GMT

It's mostly crossovers - because I'm just crazy like that.

Can't remember whose textures I used (sorry!) or whose brushes (sorry to!). Texts - songs of "Untold" by Peter Murray, I believe, "Cracks in the sky" by Bosshouse, "Strangers in the night" by Frank Sinatra (at least it was his interpretation that I've heard).

3 arts of Dean Winchester/Haley James (Supernatural/One Tree Hill)
1 art of Winchesters/Marissa Cooper (Supernatural/The O.C.)
1 art of Warsaw

Yuck.

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 17:57:10 GMT

I don't know why but I'm feeling slightly nervous. And I don't know why exactly. Well, OK, I can just suppose that it's because I decided that I won't go tomorrow at my courses. I was sick for a week (again! In two months! Well, hello, what's going on?!), I was really tired after all of this things that happened lately, and I just decided I won't go tomorrow for one of my courses. And that's exactly why I'm feeling nervous right now! It's pathetic, really. To feel guilty because you just don't want to go to school? Oh come on! It's stupid, I know.

But plus I really, really don't want to go to my friend's birthday. I just... don't fell like going. But I said I would go, so I guess I can't really change my mind.

Yuck.

Oh my.

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 09:36:17 GMT

Oh shit. Why? Why? Why?! Why had I checked my mail yesterday instead of two weeks earlier?! Shit. Two weeks ago there was this list of members of Tanais 2007 expedition, and probably it's still hanging there at the wall in our institute... but why oh why I didn't know this two weeks earlier?! I guess everybody knew about this except of me - lately it's been getting really busy and I had a lot of work to do, plus I wasn't really sober for the past month - there was a lot of social meetings and stuff like that. But it doesn't change the fact that now I'm nervous as hell, even though I know I'll probably participate. But still I'm just a bunch of nerves right now, until I go to Institute...

The End...?

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 12:16:40 GMT

I can't believe it...! I've just watched the last episode of The O.C. - and I totally can't believe that it's the end of this!

It was nice to watch O.C. It wasn't so much complicated and sure, there was a lot of drama (well - maybe even more than "a lot" if you come to think about it. Hey, every season ended with a thunder/earthquake - not literally, at least not until recently - /end of the world!) but there was much more fun and humor. All that Seth's comments, Summer's attitude, than Taylor's, all Julie's stuff... And yes, I'm some kind of esthetically sensible person, and I can't say that it was bad-looking show - hell no. Marissa was a pretty girl with a great sense of fashion, same as Julie and Summer and Kirsten - hey, it was Newport! Plus lovely Ryan (I have a thing for blond guys I guess). Yes, it was definitely a good-looking show. So I liked it. It was like watching some sort of a fairytale, with rich people, good looking people, whose only problem was what to wear for the next party, yet they all had some problems (real life sucks, huh?) - Marissa's and Kirsten's alcoholism, Seth's education's problems, the whole Ryan-bad-boy storyline. A bit like modern Beverly Hills 90210 (not that I've watched this - I guess I was a bit too young at the time).

So, getting to the last episode - I was touched. Really. I wasn't a big fan of The Fourth-Season O.C - seriously, is it the same show without Marissa and her problems (es. with Ryan...)? Well, I guess that it wasn't really so bad. Taylor was awesome - that girl talks even faster than I, just like she had some sort of a machine in her, and that was really funny. Kaitlin is not so bad I guess, but hey - I preferred the eldest ms. Cooper. And those gays living in the old Cohen's house - it was priceless, those two guys rocked! But I have to admit that I was crying at that episode. First - when Summer gave Julie the necklace with Marissa's photo. And I was crying at the end - when Ryan was saying goodbye to the house. God, it was sad! His memories of those first days, and the emptiness of the rooms - it really bring tears to my eyes. And that scene from the first episode with Marissa watching Ryan leaving Newport with Sandy - oh, come on! And those little scenes set into the future - nice, but it didn't really touched me so much. I loved Sandy teaching, guy knows his stuff:) Julie graduating - yay Julie, you was always my favorite! Kaitlin was OK, and the marriage of Seth and Summer - well, I'm sorry, I'm not buying that. But I was touched when Ryan walked to his car with plans in one hand (an architect...? Yay!) and he looked at that kid and saw himself. It was... well, cute.

I have to admit that I was touched. And I cried, even when usually I don't do it (I hate crying in fact). And it's kind of hard to believe that it's the end of The O.C., but again - it's better to end it this way, than to pull it for another five seasons without a plan and just "because people liked it... some time ago". Actually, I'm sad but I'm happy. At least it had ended with honor.

And there is one more thing that bugs me - Julie. Look how much her character has changed. At firs she was - well, Julie Cooper, glamorous and alluring woman of Newport, for which her social position was the most important thing in the world - with newest shoes from Manolo Blahnik and new manicure. Then she was Kirsten's stepmother (she married Caleb, so... yeah. Mrs Julie Cooper - Nichol) and businesswoman with her own magazine and everything, and now she just graduated from a college... And that's what's called a metamorphose! :)

The thing about meetings with friends

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 14:11:33 GMT

Yesterday S and K came to my place and we had some great time together. Well, in fact, we spent almost all night long sitting on a stairs, smokin' and drinkin' and talking about everything. I'm just surprised that none of my neighbors didn't really complain about us being too loud. Well, when you're sitting at the two o'clock in the morning, drinking one of the many Charlie's drinks that night and smokin' one cigarette after another, it's kinda hard to pay attention of how loud you're speaking. But I guess it wasn't that bad. Then at three o'clock we decided we wanted to go to sleep - finally - but... we were all pretending for two hours that we slept - while actually we didn't. So that night - I hadn't have any sleep. I guess I'm still kinda high from nicotine and alcohol, but what the hell.

It was nice. I think we should repeat this in some near future... I hope so.

Just my imagination... (I hope not really)

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 21:00:01 GMT

Lateley, I've been daydreaming. It's starting to be some kind of problem, since I could snap out of reality and for a long moment stare at some point and not really seeing it, watching instead some scene playing before my own eyes. It's nothing serious when those moments are short - like fractions of seconds, when I just see some kind of scene, like a flash, and you can believe or not, but sometimes those little... visions come true in some place in the future. Sometimes. But it's get worse when those scenes are longer - and I can't really help it. It's not like I'm being crazy, not at all. The thing is that if I'm wondering about something hard - if I'm thinking all the time about something, and my whole mind is occupied by that thought, then sometimes I'm getting lost in my own thoughts really hard.

So lately I'm getting lost a lot. Sometimes it's a problem, like when I started to daydreaming at my classes - and then I just... snapped out of it and wondered for a moment what are we talking about and where was I. I know that my imagination is waaaay too big and too strong. Sometimes all she needs is a song, a view, a glance, or even some words, I'm starting to smile and my imagination is starting to work - and she gives me all those funny things, scenes playing just before my eyes, that little voice in my head starts speaking ironically, sarcastically or just with humor. The truth is, I like it too much. It makes everything more easier and bearable, I think. Even at the worst situation that little voice makes me smile and those scenes makes me laugh when no one is laughing.

I guess it's not really that bad, though. But sometimes it's getting annoying, like now - I know that the things I'm thinking about... Well, what can I say - I guess I'm just screwed. Just a little... or not so little. Who knows.

F***!!!

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 13:15:07 GMT

God, I hope that this day was over, forever! Or I'm gonna go crazy.

It's snowing, and man - I fucking hate winter! I hate snow, I hate that stupid cold wind, I hate that I have to wear too much clothes (or get a frostbite, yeah, well that's an option!). I hate it. All of it.

Plus, when I talked to my friend yesterday - yes, she was sick, but yet she planned to come to Warsaw on Friday so we could go all together at the lake on Saturday. S. has this great house at the lake, so we wanted to stay there until the end of holidays, the three of us. But today my friend informed me that she's too sick and she can't even go out of her house, so there's no way she could go with us. And - fuck!!! It won't be the same without her, we had so much plans! I'm not angry at her - because I know that she wants to go just like me or S, but I'm angry - yes, I'm angry at the winter - if it wasn't winter, she wouldn't be sick right now! We'll probably go alone, S and I, because - seriously, our friend, K, lived too far from us, at the other side of the country! But it won't be the same.

And if it isn't enough - I have to go at the campus. Normally I love going at the campus, I love that place, it's really great. But I have to go there to fill in some stupid papers that no one really needs, so I'm really pissed by now.

I wanted to go shopping - I saw those two beautiful shirts - but no, there's no money on my account yet! So how can I NOT be pissed off?

I wanted to sign up at the class for my next semester, but no - there isn't that course available. And I don't even know if it would be available or not. And that was the only course that was perfect with my others classes. Just great.

I wanted to go to my favorite club but it was closed again. Just f*** perfect.

At the day like that I'm starting to doubt in everything.

It's like everything just decided to turn wrong today. Yesterday was OK, but today nothing seems to go right. What's the hell wrong with today?!

Summer...

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 16:57:03 GMT

It's almost official (OK, very almost, but what's the difference...?).

In July I'm gonna go to Russia to dig up Tanais - greec/romain ancient town!

I'm really excited about that. I'd like to go to Cyprus too, but maybe next year? With my friends - oh, we're gonna rock there:) Anyway now I'm planning my trip to Russia - for a whole month. It will be hardcore. But I'm counting that at least I'll be sunbathing at the sea side - well, we can walk these 8 km to the sea, right? It's not like at the end of the world.

I don't have daydreams - well, maybe I do - but I know that there would be a lot of work. I'll be sick of ceramic, of digging up, of heat, of sleeping in a tent, of a cold water, of a bad food and of all the people - just like it was last year, but on the other hand - I know about all of it. I'm prepared for this, and there is one thing that actually made me want to go there - it's the whole place with its atmosphere. I know that my memories from Tanais would be unique and absolutely worth every sweaty moment spent in the sun with dirt across my whole me - and it makes me wanting to go there right now. I like drawing - so drawing ceramics doesn't scare me at all, just like this whole documentation crap (why do I have an impression that it would be me who will write all of this...?). I don't like digging up, but I'll survive. And there is always that great atmosphere...

So I'm pretty sure that I'll spend one month in Russia - yay for me and for my camera, there are so many beautiful places - and who knows, maybe I'll spend another month at the lake - yes, digging up too:) Maybe I'm some kind of an archeological freak, who knows...

Guh.

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 21:24:50 GMT

Guh.

I want holidays. Nothing new, huh?

Told'ya that I would be sick. After Friday. And I think I put some sort of spell on myself - I'm sick from Saturday, but can't really help it - and can't even stay in bed and cure myself! There is a Flying Circus at the college (really! I'm serious right now!) and all I can say is that we had an unbelievable luck today.

Actually it was more luck than smartness, really. Pure luck. It was something so unpredictable and unbelievable, that even now I can't even think about it without joy. But before that moment of pure joy we had like an hour of scare, helpless and pessimism.

I want my holidays.

Thursdays

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 21:12:07 GMT

I love Thursdays. Seriously. OK, well, maybe this day is a great day after 2pm, after prehistory (God, it's an awful course! Especially if there's a test to which I don't know answers... but this is another story). It's just like a ritual - we're going to some cafe to beer and we're talking about everything - about our friends, about ourselves (because why not!), about guys (oooooh, that's an interesting one, believe me!), about college, our professors, our plans for future. It's like we're having our own psychological sessions, only it's much cheaper and much more fun. There is a lot of fun, a lot of laughter, and it's really helping. I know that I can talk with them about things I won't even talk to my best friend - just because my other two friends know me from completely another side. Or maybe it's just me - that I can't really keep a relationship and that they just know people I talk about and know what I really want from them and from my life right now.

I just fell that for the first time in my life I have friends that are one percent girls - and that's something missing in my life. We talk about everything and about every of us - I'm serious when I wrote that it's like at a psycholog. They just know that sides of me that no one else know...

Yeah, yeah, I know - I'm a bit drunk right now. Like every Thursday:) But what the hell, so don't get pissed off for my ramblings right now:)